i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
