But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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