Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
