There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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