I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
