can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
