New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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