And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
