i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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