Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
