You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
