On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
