DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
