did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize