What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize