Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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