Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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