better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize