Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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