dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
