You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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