i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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