For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
