thus making me awesome and them whores
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
