I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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