This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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