i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
