they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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