I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There r osticjed everywhere
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
