You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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