i just had sex bonerless
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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