you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
