you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
