Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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