Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
