I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
