So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
