But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and she was petting her beer can
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
