That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
