Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
