i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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