Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
