I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize