It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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