If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
