Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize