what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
