I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize