pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
