Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
