You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
