ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
