you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
