never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
