she woke up with a sticky ear
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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