somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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