why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
