I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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