I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize