My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
