Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
