i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
