So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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