hotel room ftw
Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
