He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
