the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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