so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
