Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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