did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
