remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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