Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My balls are so social today.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
