The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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