We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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