If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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