there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize