Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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