I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he was CRYING into my vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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