Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it's like heaven, but drunker
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
