why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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