she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
