FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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