Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
