Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want nice things and good sex
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
