I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
