The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
