I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
