You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
