Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
