Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize