so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
