I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
