I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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