dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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