Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am naked and annoyed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
