I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
