i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
