life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
