I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
