im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
