Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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