i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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