dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
