I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
