im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
