I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
