I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
