the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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