Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im holly from the hills drunk
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
