when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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