i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
