Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
