I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
