i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
