The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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