I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize