I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
