what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
