I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
